I went over the top for my 1-year-old’s birthday party. I just wanted to prove that I’m a good mother, but I regret it.

• I threw my daughter an elaborate birthday party for her first birthday.
• I rented out a restaurant, bought a large cake, and hired a face painter.
• I did it all to show off on Instagram, but I realize it should’ve been about my daughter.

I threw my 1-year-old a birthday party that was too over-the-top for a baby that still eats things off the floor and likes to play with the dog’s food bowl.

I rented out a local neighborhood restaurant for her first birthday. We had an open bar, matching outfits for the whole family, a photographer, a face painter, a balloon artist, and even glitter tattoos. Her birthday cake was two layers tall. We had a ton of desserts, pizza, pasta, and quesadillas. We even had a Build-a-Bear instead of traditional goodie bags for each child to take home.

Why did I do it? Because I only plan on having one child, and I wanted to give her everything. But I also did it to show off on Instagram.

The joy of the birthday party was short-lived

Once everyone left the party, I was surrounded by leftover and half-touched pastries, cake, and pizza. There were balloons all over the restaurant and glitter all over the floor from the face painting.

I was tired, my feet hurt, and I had to pay a $1,200 bill that I was already regretting.

The next morning, I woke up to text messages and Instagram DMs, thanking me for the invite to my daughter’s birthday party and letting me know what a great job I did. The validation felt amazing, and I was so happy that everyone enjoyed themselves.

Then the notifications stopped. The Instagram posts slid down the feed and away from my algorithm. Life went on. And my bank account? It hadn’t recovered for weeks.

I’m always comparing myself to other mothers on Instagram

When I felt at my most down, I decided to give myself a lot of grace. As a modern mother, social media makes you feel like you’re not doing enough — all the time. I felt this way before becoming a mom, and I feel this way even more now that I’m a mom.

Every time I open my feed or scroll through Instagram, I come across another mom showing off her perfect balloon arch, a themed dessert table, and a backyard full of rented bounce houses.

When I started to judge myself for going too far for my daughter’s birthday, I reminded myself that I had nothing to prove, and my daughter was well taken care of.

I now know I threw that party for all the wrong reasons

I can truthfully say that the party wasn’t about my daughter. Yes, she was celebrated by the most amazing people in our lives.

But it was more about me trying to prove something to the world. I wanted to prove to people on social media that I’m still “fun,” that I can still throw a party, and that motherhood hasn’t taken over my whole identity. I wanted to prove that my daughter has everything she could ever want.

But motherhood isn’t a performance, a highlight reel, or a perfectly curated Instagram post. It’s messy, loud, and exhausting.

If I were to do it again, I would skip the restaurant rental and just have close family and friends over for some good food and a great time. And the best part? My daughter would love every minute of it.