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College admissions expert Jeffrey Selingo wants kids and their parents to stop chasing a dream school. Here’s what he suggests instead.

October 29, 2025
Jeffrey Selingo speaks at a fireside chat at Marlborough School while promoting his book, “Who Gets In and Why.”

Courtesy of Marlborough School via Jeffrey Selingo

  • Jeffrey Selingo is a higher education expert and the dad of two teenagers.
  • He said families need to slow down the college application process and start it earlier.
  • Focusing on individual fit, rather than brand names, is important.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jeffrey Selingo, author of “Dream School: Finding The College That’s Right For You.” It has been edited for length and clarity.

I’ve reported on higher education for decades. I’m also dad to two daughters, who are in 8th and 10th grade. Recently, someone asked me what advice I give my own kids about college. It’s this: let go of the idea of a dream school.

Oftentimes, teens focus on one “dream school” — typically a well known college like an Ivy League or a Big 10. But I don’t think the dream school exists. The real dream school is one where the student fits in; where they can thrive, and get a good return on their financial investment in education.

Here’s how you can help find the dream school for your specific student.

Start talking about colleges sooner

Families often start the college process midstream. They put names on a list because they’ve seen those branded colleges on social media or ESPN. They haven’t really thought about why those schools might be good for them, personally.

I recommend that families take a step back. Beginning in 10th grade, talk with your child about what they really want from college. What sort of setting? Environment? Classes? Financial aid? Figure out the answers before you start writing down any college names.

“Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You,” by Jeff Selingo is available now.

Courtesy of Scribner

Go slowly

When you start the process early, you have time to take it slow. Take informal visits to campuses to see what your student likes. It might be different from what they thought they wanted.

Talk about money up front

Parents and students often don’t talk about money until the very last step of the acceptance process. That’s like going out to dinner and ordering without seeing any prices on the menu.

Discuss what you’re willing and able to pay for college before your student starts applying. Look at tools like the Department of Education’s net price calculator and college score card to understand the real cost of schools and how that compares to what graduates typically earn.

Prioritize first-year programs

A supportive start can mean everything when it comes to college success. Look for schools that offer first-year programs to give students extra scaffolding as they transition into college. These can make all the difference.

Think twice about early decision

There’s been a huge push toward early decision applications — where a student applies to one school and commits to attending if they’re accepted. Students like that it’s slightly easier to get into selective schools if they apply early.

However, applying for early decision really limits your financial flexibility, since you don’t have more than one school competing for you to attend. Only apply early if your student really wants to go to a specific school, not just because the odds of getting in are slightly better.

Make a list of 10 schools to apply to

Once your child has defined what makes a dream school for them, help them put together a list of 10 schools to apply to. Choose three that are a stretch, three that they’re likely to get accepted to, and three that are safe bets (though remember, nothing is really safe in the current college environment). Then, throw in one wild card.

Don’t talk about college every day

It’s easy to talk about college every day of junior and senior years in high school. It happens not just at home, but in conversations with casual acquaintances or on social media. Setting parameters around the conversation, and intentionally choosing not to talk about college some days, can reduce stress and make senior year more enjoyable.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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